sleepy

i want to go back to bed because im tired but i just keep thinking there are other things i should be doing..it sucks i have three tests on tuesday...but i will try hard to start studying again today for them...ive spent way to much money recently and when i told yovnne i would starve for a month i dont think she believed me but i ment it...with mommy taking money from me and not giving it back on time i dont know how ill be paying anything once dec gets here...i cant give up my fin aid anymore because i wont be able to pay anything at all and mommy isnt on time with anything and i hate being late ... i know i should find a job but things are kinda limited without having a car...so money worries are seriously bothering me right now along with just about everything else..classes are just stressful by themselves and the sw dept has got to do something to stop the 3hour classes all on the same day..tuesdays are the worse day of the week and it takes the rest of the week to even get my head back after suffering through policy...but anyway class is class and i hate tests and i really dont study well...fall break is soon though and i know ill be going home for part of it..hopefully just until sunday though..i dont want to waste all my break at home...and i dont know if im bringing dusti or not...i dont know how im getting home either..mommy keeps talking about the bus and i hate riding buses there is no need to waste that much money and i dont know..a bus home would be a 6 hour ride and its less than 2 to drive it..i would rather stay here anyway but oh well for what i want..besides i told harris i would come home to see him soon...ive stopped b/p again so maybe thats my good news of the day...and i joined netflix kinda..got a free trial from a friend and i absolutley love netflix now lol..thats an extra $10 gone every month but seriously food is so not high on the importance list of things ... considering yvonne really wouldnt let me starve but then i so rarely see her and we hardly ever eat together anymore she wouldnt figure anything out for a while...but anyhoo i have food for now anyway...dusti is feeling a lot better and her little scar is almost healed and her hair growing back...i got a new pair of jeans the other day and i really like them...today is cleaning day i guess kinda...i refuse to by dishwasher junk when i can wash the dishes better..and its not like i have anything better to do...just hard cleaning everything up and then yvonne comes and destroys the kitchen and leaves it like im supposed to clean it up...i could leave it all there but then it would just annoy me seriously and i would end up cleaning it all up anyway...my moods are seriously off lately...im just getting paranoid about everything...i spend way to much time by myself and at home and now i dont really want to go anywhere...i think i will end up calling a cab on thursday for the doc appt but i dont know..im afraid to take the bus and have to cross the huge intersection..but i havent decided yet...i could call and cancel but eventually i would have to call back and still worry about how to get there...its times like these that not having a car kinda sucks..ok not having a license either