needing to write for right now ...

im upset..and i know i have a right to  feel how i feel..but im tired and angry and just so pissed off with what is going on...and it makes my head hurt...im trying to stick to the agreement that was made but im not making enough to stick to it..again my fault for thinking i would be able to make more than i thought i was making...and now like everything else i have fallen behind and of course miss i dont care about you and your issues comes along and yells at me on the phone..and im trying to be calm and collected and not react..i am...but i have no one to blame but myself and now there is no record of what i have paid and ill be damned if im paying it again....oh forget it...im tired..this is making my brain hurt...im sad...and im just hurt and stupid ...until this gets behind me..i feel like im juts spending all this time watching my back...-sigh- forget it.