i realized tonight that thanksgiving, going home, and taking a friend home with me ..is causing a lot of anxiety..im scared that she will end up liking my family more than me..and then want nothing to do with me..or that my mom will treat me like she always treats me and someone else will see it..and my friend will hate me and believe what my mom is saying..and ill be left alone..in general going home is really hard..but realizing that its coming and soon and with all the other stress going on..and i am freaking out..im wanting back the old habits..i want to sleep and hide and go away...i dont want anyone to know that i am going downhill..i dont want to mess up...
im wanting to hide ..and have quiet..and not deal with anything..
the depression is hitting hard..and i have to hide it...always have to hide it..
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