taking responsility...

so i need to take responsibility for a few things...my job performance is slacking majorly...and
i need to take responsibility for that...i like my job..i want to keep my job..and that means doing what is needed inorder to keep my job...and that means doing my work...the paperwork part of it...all of it....no more turning in things late...no more being a pain and avoiding the office...

this is because of my not wanting to do it..being tired, not feeling well..oh i have all the excuses..i do...but that is all they are..excuses...and excuses are not going to keep me from getting fired when it comes down to the wire...and i would rather keep my job.  and right now i am most likely hanging on to it by a thread...

i need to take responsibility for my apartment being so messy....again things that i just am not doing...wasting all of my time laying down, sleeping, being online...anything and everything to avoid cleaning..to avoid doing anything remotely productive....

i need to take responsibility for not showing up for work when i say i will

i need to take responisbilty for just not caring lately...for a lot of reasons i havent cared..and it is going to stop...it is going to be different...i cant stay behind with my work...i cant live and be on my own without a job..and so these are the things that i need to do...for myself...i need to get things done..and no one else..

i cant keep making excuses for myself...i cant keep pretending that i am doing things i know good and well that i am not doing...

and i need to take responsibility for not taking care of taji and bounce like i should....yes i feed them and pet them and love them..but there are little things...i dont play with taji much anymore...i dont tickle bounces stomach ..

especially now ..when things are so up in the air with my sister...and so i am planning to go to see her at the end of aug..to visit ... to get away from life here..to have a change...and ill take the half a pay check to do it....i want to go...and since i know i cant stop and drop everything and drive up there...i have to plan it..i have to make it work...

yes i have to take care of me..and well with that comes being honest about things...and i havent been doing that...i have been hiding..sleeping..avoiding...pretending...all the things im so good at...but no...

time to get a grip..and stop it...and i will because again...everything is a choice ...a choice that i am making..good or bad..positive or negative...its a choice...and well i want to make better choices...and i am in charge of that happening....soooo.. again..it is up to me..it is my choice....and it is in my power to turn things around...