i just want to scream

hmm before i get started on my rant for the past couple days..i would like to mark down in history that today i was complimented by linda on my being calm in stressful situations..that aside i just dont even know where to begin ..i know ive learned all the restraints but its always with the assumption that i would just know it and never really have to use it..ive helped in restraints but never done a complete one on my own..but thats all changed now lucky me...im with the boys again and its the youngest group of boys they are so small and so cute..they are 8 and 9 and for most of them this is the first time they have been away from home..but overall they are just cute kids..but as in every group there is one kid who just makes things a lot harder than they need to be..the first day he freaks and starts breaking stuff..he threw rocks at us ..he destroyed my harry potter book..the one i just bought and he ripped pages out of it...im still upset about that and im not sure it will be going away any time soon..he had to give me the money to replace it but that book was all i wanted and had just bought when he decided to get back at me from telling him to stop something and messed it up..so anyway got through that...next day he freaks about something else and throws a waterbottle and hits another kid in the head..overturns a flowerpot and completely stomps on a 4yr old...i saw it happen and dont think ill ever forget him picking her up and throwing her on the ground and then stomping her in the back..so i did my job and pulled him to the ground..that i didnt like and i still dont..it makes me so mad thinking of him and knowing he didnt care..he hurt her because he was bigger and she was in the wrong place at teh wrong time...he has no remorse..i dont trust him i dont want to be around him..but he isnt going to be sent home at all...today he was restrained again by me because he tried to trip some kid on purpose and it was just because he was mad and wanted to hurt someone else..i couldnt believe he did it like just reached out and grabbed this kids ankle and laughed as he fell...he could have been in a lot more trouble..i grabbed him and moved him..but its like why do we have to be stuck with him..yea we got back and gave linda the whole list of things that he did and he was left to sit in front of the office to think it over..but seriously i dont get this kid at all..he is so smart and he does things like this?! y? i just dont know what we are supposed to do..i hate running to the office for help with a kid but seriously ive done everything im supposed to do to calm him down or talk to him or get him to do his consequences..and it doesnt woork...its killing my energy..right now all i want to do is have the summer end so we can move on and do something else..im tired of the summer stuff..its to crowded and way to overwhleming with all the noise and activity sometimes..i dont get how it can be so bothersome sometimes and i cant handle it but then sometimes i dont care at all..maybe im just to tired..ive been called mean and evil to many times to count..ive been told im hated and its like are you kidding me? ive had ppl i work with stand up for me and its like ok maybe im not mean..and i do try hard not to take what they say to heart but it gets hard...but hmm on to other stuff

kinda annoyed that ive been single staffed with 8 kids, one of whom is in need of a lot of extra help..and its like are you seriously telling me that you are pulling my costaff off of trail to do airport runs and leaving 2 staff to 15 kids? ugh its so annoying and tiring...in a million and one ways..im upset that i was left to work with the one person i really didnt want to be with and it stayed that way because no one else wanted to work with her and so i was left with her..its annoying..and it makes me wish harder for summer to be over and done with..i dont get her at all either and its like she spends so much energy trying to put on a good face for the office staff that its kinda sickening...i dont have enough energy to be that fake and its just ugh i want to tell her to give it a break..if you stay the entire summer that should say enough..but she tries to hard to seem like the perfect counselor..and she treats me like i have no say in some things..ive been here longer and i know how things go...its not a matter of whos better or not..its who can deal with everything thats thrown at them without cracking in front of the kids..and keeping their best interest at heart..i guess its hard seeing how much people can change depending on who they are around and who they are trying to impress..

all of the work stuff aside im thrilled to say i was a spazz and forgot about a couple bills i was supposed to be paying..and now they are late..still trying to figure out the loans stuff im supposed to be paying back and then all the fun reg bills..life is just a bunch of bills so ive decided once again..life is grand..but i was in walmart the other day and found crayons for 20cents and glue for 20 cents and got a new planner..maybe it will help me keep track of things better..i dont know if it will help or not..found out mommy is redoing the life insurance stuff on me..fun..i have to turn in the health insurance stuff..boo..and im losing track of everything right now so i guess im done