sometimes i think that im perfectly fine, like there is nothing wrong with at all..when i can be at home without freaking out about some small thing..and when everything actually feels ok for the time being..and im left wondering if i really need help...i can go to work and go out and do this by and for myself..other people have bigger problems than i do and i freak out about all the stupid stuff...i need to get my act together...
still waiting for them to come and fix the sink..and i finally gave in and started cleaning up all the dishes and actually cooking dinner tonight...its taking forever cleaning things in the sinks but im managing ..just being really careful to catch all the water from the drains before it gets all over the floors and stuff..hoefully they come tomorrow before i have to go back to work..
i found out i can sign up for insurance and stuff and its just really confusing ..i dont knwo the first thing about insurance and mommy cant really help because she doesnt know what it means either and im just telling her stuff over the phone and cant really explain anything...i dont know how to do the retirement stuff either and i feel so stupid for not being able to do it and for not understanding any of it...im thinking of waiting until june to start them anyway or at least medical for now and i can add dental later on...i dont want to start the retirment stuff until sept hopefully after i get a raise or something...and i found out im going in a day late not that i mind since its been forever since ive had a saturday off..not that im doing anything but still its nice..
im not sure what to do about my car though and the fla trip...out of all of us my car is the best and i know it can make the trip and im not worried about anyone driving it because i do trust them..but i asked mommy what she thought about it and yes it was incredibly dumb on my part and i shouldnt have asked but she freaked out and started yelling at me and telling me how im the only one insured and blah blah blah..good grief all of them have had there licenses for years longer than i have and are prolly safer drivers than i am...but now im not so sure..my brakes are acting weird and i can here them when i stop and ill have to have everything checked and i do know all of that..but just mommy blowing up over it makes me nervous where as before i wasnt nervous..theres no point in having time off if we cant go anywhere without a car and we cant take the van from the kids when they are going places ..no point in going without another car and seriously mine is the best choice..but at thesame time i dont want to take it and have it messs up thanks to mommy now thats what im thinking about..ugh..so i dont know..i want to take my car i do..it will be better than being stuck..linda says aspen will pay for gas money to go and come but for just traveling in fla we have to pay for..i just hate being unable to decide..got paid today and it was more money than i was expecting..and i called and asked mommy if she put money in my account just to make sure i wasnt seeing things and she hadnt..so im not complaining but its just weird..ill have to ask linda about it the next time i see her...ive been thinking about what i want to do over the summer and im still having trouble picking which program i want to do but im getting awfully close to picking academics..i know it was the staff that made that one horrible last summer more than the kids did..and its just the schedule would be different for the academic kids and i would be in one cabin all summer since i hate moving back and forth and ill work with the same ppl all summer too..so it has its perks..but still hard too because the kids are there for a longer time frame and they do school during the day and they have abbreviated activities in the afternoons..so its just different but i think it would work out better for me to do that one if i dont do adults..talked to mommy this morning about when i was coming home and i told her i didnt knoww..nia wants me to come back and visit and if i had gas money i would but i cant handle that right now..i told her i would see ..and if i dont visit in may ill do it in august/sept..i know ill be home for a little while then because stephanies wedding is in sept..and i really do want to go to it..the date kinda sucks but ill manage..
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