something is making me sad...

there is something that is making me sad currently and im not sure that i know how to describe it or even put it into words...its like emotionally im no where near being the adult person that i am supposed to be...and by not being able to be an adult emotionally..then i cant handle a lot of situations..or maybe it is that i dont understand some situations and so then i dont know how to deal with them...and i think that is why with some older women..my boundaries are lacking severely and i attach to them and i want them to want me..and i promise to be good and not be a bother or get into trouble...for my actual age..i know that acting/believing that is not correct...but i dont know how to stop it...i have been noticing it a little bit the past few days ...nothing like major..but just little needs for approval..the constant need for comfort ..feeling incredibly clingy and willing to do whatever is needed to have my needs met...and my needs may be totally innocent in nature..but because of my past..i know that there is just more to it than that...once i am in good girl phase i know something else is going on...im overwhelmed i guess...im trying to be good..but i still need that validation..i need something...and im not getting it..and im not really sure how to get it...maybe it really is just a control issue..which will be getting explored a little bit over the weekend..and that scares me and confuses me and excites me all at the same time...why do i feel such a need to not have control but at the same time fight so hard to keep control??