worn out

there has been so muhc going on this week.  im tired and achy and getting very very cranky and tired...im waiting around for my check right now and well i just want to go home and lay donw..this week has been a real real mess..im tired and worn out from dealing with things..i really am..and im feeling more depressed and quiet this week..maybe its just a build up of everything thats going on and what im having todeal with...its getting to me and without a pdoc i dont know how to get any real release from it..i feel like im being pulled in a lot of different directions right now with all of my clients and with my own stuff and im getting to the point of not wanting to deal with anyone or anything..and i still have to work tomorrow..given it will be an easy day tomorrow but still i have to work..im expected to go and show up and manage...i have to listen and advice and work out others concerns and issues and push mine into the back ground...

this week ive had some big car issues..and then some emergencies with my clients which involved spending over 8 hours in the hospital emergency room yesterday..and then i had to go to court today with a client and that was beyond stressful and scary for me..i dont like court..i dont like the possibiltiy of having to testify ..i panic and forget and just turn even more silent than i already am...the case was continued and so now i guess i have time to prepare to testify next time..but just the thought of thinking about it makes me feel so so scared and out of sorts...

i really just want to go home...and im super dehydrated..and last night i was getting really really bad leg cramps..and ended up pacing around the living room for a little while early this morning trying to get myself to relax and i drank some water ..and just in general had a hard time last night...and then forcing myself to get up this morning was its own hassle...

i dont think im in a very good space right now...head is a bit all over the place...and just feeling out of it a bit...