lately....

last week was majorly stressful work wise...i took off monday..but i felt pulled in a million different directions for the rest of the week...all i could do was come home and crash in the evenings....i overslept twice last week...and it was pretty suckish..cas i hate oversleeping and i hate feeling rushed..but yeah it was pretty bad on that level...saw linda last week...dont remember if i wrote about that...but we talked about my not giving up and my need to find a new psychiatrist :(  hate that...really really hate that..so yeah.gotta figure out all of that..and everything i guess..did talk to linda once i got past the huge major overwhelming feelings of being just out of it and unsure of what to say..yuck yuck double yuck...

ive been having some major brain laspes at work..as in i talked to one client about my enjoyment of dinosaur chicken nuggets..i was really immature one night with one of my other clients siblings and coughed in his cereal cas he was being a jerk..and then we had a disagreement about how to make grilled cheese sandwiches..and yeah..had one clients relative tell me i had a baby voice... can we say awkward ???!!! my head just hasnt been together this week at all..and my normal levels of control and maintaining myself and my thoughts and my uh 'quirks' seriously got called into question this week..and again it was all after the fact you know i would clue in to what i was doing..but darn it..its been a messy messy week..

realized a bit late of course that its july and that means my normal craziness goes up a few notches until the middle of aug i guess...sister issues extreme ...happens each year..the guilt..the hopelessness..did i mention the guilt? i wish it was easier ..but i dont know how to accept it or make it easier or deal with her death..i dont know..its all just majorly hard..and tiring and frustrating...and sad...majorly majorly sad...