:(

today really has been a very not so good day..

most of the day i just fought off crying because things were so overwhelming..

woke up before 5 again..still not used to the time change yet...throwing off my sleep schedule...

today has been one of those days where everything is just going wrong..i keep losing everything..it takes me a million tries to get things out of my car because i cant remember what im supposed to be doing..my computer isnt working right and now i cant even get my work stuff off of it..the usb port isnt working and so it wont read my flash drive or my printer and this morning i figure this out at like 6:30 and its like freaking a this cant be happening..but the one time in weeks i actually try to get my work stuff in on time and some of the late stuff i cant even get my computer to work..and its just frustrating because now its turned into this huge deal and my comp works on wireless but not at home so i cant even stay home and email all my work to myself just to go and hope i can print it all off somewhere..without having to pay for it..and almost was ready to cry because it was so overwhleming..and then i got a message about some bank stuff and that was a loss of a good amount of money cas i wasnt paying good attention to what was in the bank and ..yea its just a crappy crappy day..and the longer it goes on the more i just want to say screw it and go back to bed..

went to t..and really almnost regretting i didnt back out of it..but that would have made me feel even more guilty..talked some about the crappy day..and how everything just isnt working out today..talked some about cutting..managed to confuse the t because i cant completely tell anything all at once and so its like piecing it all together without knowing where the pieces are..like t mentioned last week..but eventually i got around to telling her that umm things werent ok without the cutting..and then it was like shut down time in my head...and i kept thinking that if i said anything else something bad would happen..spent a heck of a lot of time looking at her door...trying not to cry..finally told her that i didnt know what to say cas i was worried she would be mad at me..and then stopped talking completely..listened to her for a bit..and then got to leave..she asked me to think about it more..and that we would talk about it next time..but may not be going on fri if she has to go out of town..and not sure even how i really am..lost in thoughts a million miles away..a lot of fear going around..upset feelings for saying anything..and its like im calling myself a big mouth but darnit but i said for the entire hour wouldnt even add up to like 20 mins :-/ justt feeling really lonely and upset...but once again no clear idea why...