thinking..

ive decided ...

no im not going to va with yvonne..to visit yes..to stay and live together again..no not right now.. im just not wanting to live with someone else again .. i miss having my own place, i miss my space to do whatever i want..

if i move now..i want to go back to asheville..i really do..but im not actively looking for a job up there either..because yes i want to move but i dont really have to move that far away..and if i move ill stop therapy and now prolly isnt the best time for that. so i will keep looking for a job around here but i am going to wait until after dec to start more indepth again...just right now isnt the best time to add on more stress ... it will just make me more stressed out and i cant deal with any more stress right now..

i want to go back to grad school..but i want to give it another year at least..maybe two before i tackle that issue..but i do want to go..i will go back to school. i dont know what i want to do just yet but i am going to go back.

im not going to be at home for christmas .. im going with yvonne to her grandparents..and i let mommy know today the dates and everything and so she knows i wont be here..and she is ok with it..for now anyway..shes ok with it..and so thats one less thing for me to worry about..i am a bit worried about going and being ok..but ill try to save that until we actually leave and go there..this will be the first time ive ever not been at home for christmas..its odd..and does make me nervous..and because of going out of town..i know now isnt the time to get hooked into a new job either and then take off for a week...im ok with waiting ..until after the holidays..maybe it will help take off some of the stress..but if i wait then i know i have got to catch up on paperwork stuff...

but i will make a goal so that i dont forget..that by feb i want another job..i will have my 2 years experience...maybe ill be ok with moving possibly farther away from my therapist now and being ok with starting over..but for now ill just have to deal with being at home and just keep going to therapy..and hoping that ill let her help me..

i really hope ill let her help me