shame and guilt

This is a few paragraphs in the book, I copied some of the more interesting arguments. " Compared with guilts operations, shame is a more positive force. Simply put, shame has many more shades of difference than guilt has. This is why shame can be so painful. In contrast, guilt tends to be more on/off. With in a system of reparation, guilt prompts recompense and then is done. But as we've seen, shame can revisit you long after the particular moment of shaming has passed...Lumped together, shame and guilt are taken seemingly and inevitably describing a white complex, a political muddle of pride, shame, and guilt...Avoiding shame can allow guilt to flourish. Guilt, or fear of being found guilty, produces a sistuation where shame cannot be admitted. Shame left unspoken solidifies as a layer of intensity that never seems to go away. "

Until today I really thought I knew the difference between shame and guilt but I dont. They are generally used together and when I think of one I always think of the other. I ran into a book today while I was working and I only picked it up because the cover was pretty and I did not realize what section of the library I was in. The book is called Blush: faces of shame (written by Elspeth Probyn), well that was enough to completely have my attention. I started scanning through it and reading it a little bit and it did bring up a lot of different opinions of the way shame really works. I could not think of a time when I could explain clearly what causes the shame in the form of a definition like I can when dealing with guilt. Guilt is when I know I have done something wrong, when I have done something I knew better than to do or told a lie about something. I know and understand guilt but then shame just sneaks its way in and all of a sudden im ashamed of what ive done but the logic behind why the shame has suddenly come up is not there. With guilt comes blame but with shame it is like every emotion could have a part in it. Shame goes a lot deeper than just saying I have done something wrong but I do not have the words to explain it.

For example...I am feeling guilty because I hide on the computer when I am supposed to be working. I know it is wrong and the reasons behind it is work is boring but still I feel guilty and the guilt is justified. I know exactly where it is coming from and why. Then when I try to think of something that brings on shame not many thoughts come up. It is just a huge feeling that takes over everything at once. I can say I am ashamed of the cutting or purging but it is not just that. It is a feeling that I am supposed to be ashamed of it and therefore I can not accept any of it. Maybe fear is what drives shame and shame is what drives guilt and so on down the line of emotions. If you hide something it means you do not want it to be found out and you are ashamed of whatever it is but you are not feeling guilty over it yet but the longer it goes on the more guilt comes into the picture. Maybe shame comes before guilt and they just evolve together. I am really trying to come up with the definition for shame and I am just coming up blank. Saying it is just a really strong feeling associated with guilt is not working for me. There has to be more to it than that and I am going in circles trying to figure it out. This is one of those questions that do not have a right or wrong but I am thinking there is no definite answer either. I think that is why it is bothering me so very much. I need a concrete answer and I can not find one.

Shame, guilt, fear, pain, they are all emotions/feelings and strong ones but I think all emotions are connected to each other in someway. Why does it feel as if shame can outweigh any emotion, good or bad? Is it possible that shame can be taught or learned? Is it one of the things that can be learned just from watching other people?

Wondering a lot at the moment,