life

life hmmm well life is life and im just going day by day...doing a lot of reading and writing since i cant be online as much lol..it has its good points i guess...im ready to just relax this weekend without anyone hanging around...i could do with a little peace and quiet for a little while...eating is alright i guess..ill be living on pbandj for a while because im broke and cant afford much else lol...no biggie im supposed to be dieting anyway right?? im just afraid to walk to the store by myself so im stopping at the drugstore on my walk home because i can handle that and im not crossing a 4lane highway! i have a habit of waling without looking or walking and knowing there are cars coming..stupid me but anyway...nothing thrilling going on..watching tv and junk over the weekend and sleeping and cleaning and doing laundry like e very other weekend...mommy keeps asking me to come home and i keep saying no and im struggling not to just say screw it and go home but then i remember the new scars on my arm and i know i cant go without being in a lot of trouble...sleep is weird because im to scared to really sleep like deep sleep since the other night and the weird rape dream...my dreams have been just off lately..im weirding myself out but at least i was able to sleep with the lights off last night...dusti is enjoying having the house to herself i think lol..i dont have to stick her in my room for the day now that its only her there...i just leave my door open a little bit so she can go back and forth...q went home with yvonnes mom so he can be fixed and things and that worked out good since i didnt really want to keep him...i like him and all but i like dusti more and i just dont really want him..but since we have him i can tolerate him at least...i want a kitten from pet smart they were so cute but i know i wont be getting another one anytime soon...im getting really really sad and im pretty sure what im draeming has a part in it but im just feeling really alone and things..maybe i just need a long break or something i dont know...i cant figure out myself at the moment and im not really talking to anyone ....yvonne was worried the other day when i said pretty much nothing but that was how i had to deal with being majorly creeped out..not like i can explain my dream to anyone..but i wrote it down at least so i dont forget it..not that i will be i wrote it down all the same...the weather is being weird too..sunny today but windy after like 3 days of storms and i dont like thunder and having to walk home is not thrilling right now..its majorly hot and gross outside and the walk just seems to take forever...after the morning where those guys were walking around im being really careful and refuse to walk anywhere at night or anything alone..not that i did before but im just noticing now...trying to calm my thoughts so i can go do errands and things and go home...im not up for staying on campus long today..