i thought i was feeling better

things felt less heavy until maybe friday?  so i had a small like 2 day reprieve from myself ..but now i feel the anger and irritability and unsettledness is drifting back in..i want to be alone..but i feel so upset about everything..i want quiet and i want to yell and scream and i just feel so so so mean..i know the medicine isnt a crutch..but i wish it worked..im not feeling suicidal but i feel like the thoughts and feelings could come back so very easily..  im feeling disappointed in myself cas i cant seem to be better...i cant seem to stay better..its just back and forth between not good at all and barely managing ... im running out of ideas of what will help...i just want to hide in bed and not have to deal with anything...