tonight things are feeling a little bit calmer. im incredibly anxious to be to far away from sarah. freaked out in walmart earlier and almost cried because the lady asked me at the deli what cut i wanted. why that simple question overwhelmed me to the point of tears i dont know. but i just couldnt calm down. i walked back and forth around the store until i got myself to text sarah and get my focus together enough to leave and come home.
i did a lot of adult stuff today but i dont feel very much like an adult. i took a nap earlier and that helped with calming me down also.
they are putting in new carpet in the apartment upstairs and its been so loud. i think they are being totally inconsiderate of the fact that people live underneath the upstairs apartment. they were dropping stuff so hard the ceiling fans were shaking and stuff.
my thoughts are bouncing back and forth a bit right now. i might play harvest moon for a little bit .
im not going to the outing/get together thing tomorrow and that does make me sad. but i know i cant handle it, or the crowds or the noise. so im not going but sarah is going and that makes me happy. ill just be at home where it is safe and i know whats around me. no surprises.
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