frustrated

I understand that what's going on with me is going on with me..but I guess the message I got from avante this morning is bothering me...pretty much being told that regardless of what's going on for me I still need to buy stuff for the house..it seems to be ignored that I'm the one buying the household stuff and extra food when there are no food stamps...but I am just feeling that I opened up to her..And now something is weird and different..I was gone for the weekend and come back and she is acting weird..Maybe I'm reading to much into it..Maybe I'm not..I just don't know...My weird feelings haven't been wrong before..so I don't know..I'm laying low and staying out of the way...what I usually do...I really miss having my own space..i  really do...Maybe after I get started with Sarah's hours in January and save a month or so I'll be able to move back to my own place...something...I'm really hoping next year is a better year for me...this year has been so so hard...And there seems to be no relief in sight..Just one of those I'm only needed if I van benefit them in some way...story of my life I guess

I'm just down today..And annoyed at Wayne...because he could help me out but he isn't..so I'll respect his choice..And my plan is to find another job...get some money saved...And get a car and a place to live...those are my current goals...

I talked to,Courtney about my stomach today and yeah as expected she said I need to see Megan and will most likely be referred to a gi doctor to figure out what's wrong with my stomach...the bleeding is not ok...blah more doc appts...

My head is hurting..I'm just going to lay down for a while....I'm trying to escape I know..but i need a break from my brain and thinking and planning...