need to be strong

my anxiety is high..im picking my fingers apart again..i try not to but again i cant seem to stop..right now i have maybe 5 or 6 in the beginning stages..a couple more a little farther along...im trying to leave my feet alone..moving makes me anxious,,changes makes me anxious...and i tend to just want to shut down..i try to appear like i have it under control..but my heart breaks at the thought of taking the cats to the pound..im sad that ill be packing my stuff up again and it will be going back into storage..im sad that i couldnt make things work...im upset that things didnt work out the way i planned...im upset that ive disappointed kathy and yet she still is trying to help me and talk to me and listen to me...i keep thinking that ive done so much wrong ..and there is so much going on..and i just dont know if im making the right choices...my head hurts..i think and think..i plan and replan..i try to figure it all out...i have to figure ir all out...everything has to be in place..every single thing..i have to know this will work..im not sure i can handle anymore disappointment...im not sure i can walk into the animal control and let my cats go..but if i accept the job ill have to...the job i need..the job that would be almost perfect...the job that would be stress free..and still allow me to have time for other things..but ill be alone...how will i live without bounce or taji...who will keep me company when im sad and lonely..who will watch over me when im depressed? i have to be strong....there is no time for anything else...