i ended up messaging sarah and called Kathy crying...but yes im an adult...-sigh- some adult i am.... no more money talk with mommy..i cant handle it...i have a job..i will be getting paid...i will be living some where for free..i will not have to pay rent..or buy food unless it is something that i want specifically...i refuse to sit there and ask a old women who is paying out of pocket for me to pay me 800 or up for me to be at her house...when will mommy learn that it really isnt about the money ?? i want enough to survive...enough to live on..enough to be comfortable....with my bills cut in half almost and no household bills..i will be able to slowly save once i get the loan from nia and rob paid off...with a low income ill be able to get insurance...ill be able to keep my loans on the income based things and ill qualify for assistance if needed....things change the less i make...and yes ultimately the decision is mine...i will no longer have the cats...isnt that enough ?? on my plate...i guess not...because she just overloaded me to the point of tears ...and it is all in my court..i can say how long i want to be there if i go and it doesnt work out i can let kathy know and i dont have to stay ...i can find something else...but why would i do that..i dont need much..ill have a room...all i need are my books ..tv..an internet connection..and my movies...i can spend the day with sarah when i want to ..well when she isnt busy with her own stuff..and mommy is again trying to butt in and mess it up..before it even starts...i dont think ill talk to her for a couple days....i dont need the added stress right now...i cant manage anymore stress right now..im tired and anxious and stressed and scared and worried and there is just to much going on...im currently trying to calm down as i really need to get through this week...im going to meet the lady on wed....and if all works out i start on saturday...which means moving on sat and prolly sunday...my life restarts on saturday...i have to pack..and im working every day except thursday this week..there is so much to do....and no time...i think a lot of things will be trashed...a lot of things will be put into storage and i lot of things will be given away..i have to say good bye to the cats...
i talked to anita today too...and yes will be seeing her on wed morning...need to see her so very much...
the need to over medicate and hurt are on massive highs right now....
trying
trying to maintain
trying to stay calm
trying to keep it together
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