I didn't think things could get worse....

I am sitting here trying my hardest not to cry..I've been crying since 3 something this afternoon when I found out that this job...this safe place that I wanted so badly is not safe..I have been rejected and I guess in a way asked to leave...I have been told that Kathy's mom is not adjusting to me being here.. and so I am jobless and almost homeless all in one day...I'm useless and once again reminded that I am unwanted and not needed..I don't belong anywhere... I don't know what I'm going to do..or where to go.. I am once again misplaced with nothing...I have up everything to move over here.. my cats are in the pound .. everything I have is in storage..and I am wondering what is left for me right this minute... my thinking quickly moved into I don't need anything ..I don't need to eat or take my meds..I don't needs to go to my appts..nothing..im just going to waste away...small attempts at cutting..mad I didn't get my meds filled..glad I didn't get my meds filled...I'll need to stop them again since I'll need the money..because I'll need to move.. because I don't know where I'll go..because I just spent my money moving...because I can't afford to move ..because I'll have to look for another job or go back to the group home once again...I don't have the money to give Avante..   I. Have failed big time at this one...my head hurts so much and I just keep trying to figure out what I'm going to do..how long will I make myself suffer for this failure... I feel completely broken.. and I guess it hurts more that Kathy is involved in this and I trusted her to keep me safe and this happens...I've been here a week and failed..I tried.. I thought I did..but I guess not..what am I going to do? I can't think. My thoughts are a mess..Nia keeps checking on me and I haven't told mommy yet..what is there to say? I'm sorry for my existence.. I'm sorry for breathing..I'm sorry I don't have enough pills to overdose on..I'm just sorry