confusion

if everything happens for a reason..i cant help but wonder what in the hell im doing....

so im sick for a couple reasons that just annoy the hell out of me..and this week has gotten so busy i dont know what im doing...and i skipped class again because i didnt want to go and i have a test in there on thursday...if i fail it again ill have to be really good on the last two tests to even pull a c in the class..and if i want to stay on the deans list i have to pull in a 3.5 somehow...and econ is gonna screw me over big time...but ill figure something out..i always do i guess...i cant fail again..

i was looking on my schools message boards this morning and ran into an old thread...it was about si and smoking...given i dont smoke and really cant stand smoke because its gross and ive tried it too so its not like im just saying it to say it but i dont see why si and smoking need to be compared to each other....there is no point to it and this isnt the first time ive run into the convo and i had a small convo about it with my doc....god college kids can be really stupid sometimes... but geez i dont see how they compare at all...it just annoyed me...

you would think i was trying to get caught...i almost jumped out of my skin when yvonne knocked on my door this morning and i was doing something i shouldnt have started..but anyhoo...i figured out how to get out of talking about the cutting...and it was funny watching aarons reactions when i kept putting it off..eventually she stopped me before i wasted all the time...but i will see how long she lets me get away with it next time...i dont want to tell her about it because she will be ever so disappointed in me..i want to stop i really do but im not sure i can get around the point that there is nothing to get teh same feeling from...i would rather have my arm taken off than to have to stop the feeling...

am i ready to die? no
do i want to die? yes
will i die? no prolly not cas i suck

ick i need to eat but i think if i do ill throw up...i want to go home and take a nap...i think ill call in sick for work today...email in sick i mean...im just not up to it today :S i have to go bake a cake sometime this afternoon and clean up and study and not be sick .... damnit only i get sick when i dont need to be...i have to go to the store too...gggrrrr everything happens at once! ill make up the extra time for work on thursday and tomorrow some....i dont want to think about it!