nothing interesting

last night turned out to be pretty fun...i just had a little bit of wine and some rice that i picked at because rice isnt a fav of mine..and cake..mmm everyone loved the cake i made...i thought it was ok...but everyone ate it and said it was great and i thought they needed to have their heads checked lol...but i had missed hanging out with them so it was nice..and henry had a decent time and the couch broke while we where sitting on it but it wasnt our fault because it was already broke but still ok to sit on (confusing i know)..so anyway it turned out cool and jeff was surprised :).

you know i had planned on eating this morning but was feeling to sick so i didnt and then i said i would get lunch but im working and not really hungry anyway...im guessing ill get a drink or maybe a smoothie...hmm most likely just a soda..diet of course..and make something when i go home...i dont know what ill be bable to eat at the dinner tonight..prolly just rice again...maybe a cheese enchillda thingy maybe...but yea all of its just to many cals...funny i havent really planned on counting cals again...well i had but i hadnt started again...and its easier i guess now because i cant eat much well i can but i odnt want to and i dont know why...except for the vegetarian thing i should be eating fine but theres just not to much i want to eat..and most of what i do eat is junk food...i had forgotten french fries were my fav food when i stopped eating meat..there so convient! but there not healthy and i have to eat healthy or at least pretend to eat healthy..and i have to be careful because purging is coming back to mind and i just cant start that again...given its only prolly been maybe a month since i last did it...but i told my doc i was recovered and she said she would write it in my chart and im guessing if she can make changes to it that fast, me mentioning i started again wouldnt be a good idea...so im working really really hard not to binge to big...but even with eating regualr stuff first thing in my head is 'ok you know if you eat that you can so just go throw up'...damn purging for being so easy...but i hate that one more than the stupid cutting...out of the three purging is the worst and burning comes after that one and then cutting...i really would give up both of them to keep the cutting but i cant do that either...wouldnt be cool....sucks when im really making no effort not to eat i can go for a good while without eating...cant help but hate what im doing but for now its not doing any damage or anything...the only downside being when i 'forget' to eat i dont drink...i can drink off of a 20oz all day and not care....but it doesnt take me long either to get dehydrated...essh i remember what happened the last time i had to ggo have bloodwork done and they couldnt do it...it took 2 days about 2 hours each time and still not enough blood for the lil tube things...barely enough came out with two docs working on both arms...my fault though but i had no idea i was that dehydrated...they made me drink more and even then by the afternoon i was tired of drinking...i dont knnow why i dont drink more...given some days i can drink all day but most days i dont...and the dehydrated drinking is a pain in the butt because i drink until im full and im still dying of thrist...it doesnt go away and i have to keep drinking until it does..and by then i really hate drinking lol...so mmm yea will ahve to go get a drink..before i finish not working..maybe ill make eggs or something when i go home. i dont know...cant decide...will finish later on i guess