just something

"to be nobody - but - myself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make me everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting"-ee cummings


today is just a day..i went to sleep at like 9 last night and woke up at 6 this morning..and still im tired...no idea why..i shouoldnt be tired i got a lot of sleep..but its been a while since ive had that much in one night...i wanted to write last night but the blog thing wasnt working on my computer and so i jist went to bed and kinda fell asleep..i watched requiem for a dream yesterday and the movie just shocked the heck out of me...ive never been more afraid to do drugs than right this minute..diet pills included...i had never seen the movie and i hadnt ever been really interested in watching it but i wanted to see something i hadnt seen before yesterday and yvonne had a copy of it so i watched it...and at first it was really confusing and i had no idea what was going on but i figured it out and it was..hmmm left me speechless...it wasnt gross like blood and gore gross it was just creepy and weird and scary like what happens when ppl get completely addicted to something like drugs...the end was really sad too...so i will never never ever take anything like that...knowing that i do have diet pills somewhere in my room..the movie was a huge huge trigger but i dont know exactly why...maybe its as simple as the fa ct that i just wasnt expecting it...but that movie has been added to my list of movies i never want to see again! i watched it and maybe half way through it i figured out exactly what was going on but i finished watching it anyway and it wend from feeling horrible about what was happening to them to feeling nothing at all...the step past feeling is a weird one..but anyhoo im just umm kinda thinking a lot today...not about much of anything though...just a little bit of everything..but i didnt skip econ today!! kinda sad i can be proud of not skipping econ..and i didnt cut last night even though i seriously wanted too...and umm i started working on my paper..didnt get to far but i started it...i dont really feel like going to work today but i have too...dorky pay checks...but anyhoo...just kinda lost in my head today...