yesterday

Yesterday was not a good day at all..I really think I lost it for a while yesterday evening...My mind was racing..And I really wasn't safe...I was so angry and just couldn't let it go..I used every coping skill I could..I wrote pages in one of my journals..I made collages..listened to music..read..watched cartoons..stared at the ceiling..I really tried everything I could think of..And even when outside stuff grated on me because of how loud my head was..I just made things silent..And I  took hours to get back to a safe space..it really did..but eventually I got there.hmm

I'm better today..calmer ... still being eaten alive by the depression..but I'm alive..I came to work..I'm ok enough..

Last night tramaine and I had a talk..I told her I was upset that she threatened my cats..that she had used information I had told her against me..that I didn't appreciate her acting like a parent..she again told me that I have  been mean to her..she told me again that it's my fault she is failing her classes..that  I didn't need to rent a car because she would have taken me to work..I looked at he  like she had grown another head..she threatens me and my cats..tells me she is not going to take me to work or do anything for me..And then have the nerve to say that she would have taken me..Yeah..No.. I let her know that I wasn't comfortable or ok with taking anything from her..she seems to enjoy telling me that I need to do better or whatever..but you know..I'm done with all of it..getting mad at stuff dealing with her.. it's not worth it..I'm tired of it..I really am...she doesn't seem to be able to be pleased with anything I do ..so I'm done with it...I have enough other stuff to worry about without needing the extra stuff that does nothing for me..she tells me I'm so mean to her all the time and her example is that i let taji in the bathroom..so yeah..it is a waste of time ... And I'm going to work on letting it go..

Had  to go to court today..about the rent..I have paid on it but she hasn't..so it was pretty much a way to gain some time..We have 10 days pretty much..to get it paid...And we won't be evicted...so that is one less massive worry...sort of...

But that has been yesterday and bits of today..there is something I need to write about but I think I'm avoiding it..blah.

This week has gone by really fast..I can't believe..that tomorrow is Friday..good grief...so much has happened this week...

I think I need to see Courtney before I give Anita a heart attack worrying about me