Christmas Eve

It is Christmas eve and I am at work which is ok...And.  really don't mind working..I'm actually pretty bored right now..I'm trying to deal with things where they are you know..I'm not going to solve all of my stressors tonight or tomorrow or even Friday..And so I need  to just take things as they are...I get paid on Friday and maybe I'll be able to pick up a couple things ..I want ..Nothing expensive..or maybe I'll just go and get my eyebrows done...I'm really sad that I can't afford to do anything for anyone for Christmas..I know I will be able to later on..but it makes me sad all the same..I hate it..I hate that I can't do anything for Sarah or for me..And that I'm seriously just in survival mode..I can't seem to get out of survival mode..this year is almost over and I'm so so glad..it's been a really hard year..And I know that it's nothing changing but just the fact that it is a new year makes me feel better...or makes me feel a bit more hopeful about things getting better..I don't know..Maybe it is all just in my head..I'm sleepy..but working..I'm going over to Sarah's after I get off and get to be with her for some of tomorrow..I'm looking forward to that..things at the apartment are making me really anxious...I don't know what t  do about it..part of me really just wants to say screw it and move back to a room...without the different bills..or someone that truly has zero respect for me...but rooming to a room is just something that I won't do again with the cats...Maybe that makes me a bad  person but I can't do that to them again..crap I would go back to a hotel..ugh...No I'm not going to think about that again..not tonight..or even tomorrow..I wish I was feeling more positive...I'm just not..worry and stress take it all away..there is no room for anything else...ugh..