reactive sort of day

So came to work in a bit of an off mood..but the resident that I am forever butting heads with got back earlier today..And my sudden lack of caring with her is very apparent ..to me anyway..I mean her behaviors the other night pissed me off so much..I was hurt ..And honestly I don't think she cares or is even trying...she has coping skills..journals, music, movies, coloring, paint, etc..two staff at her disposal..And she still made the choice to cut..And bandage her wound before calling her therapist...Maybe I am judging her actions..I don't want to but I think I am..I have to try and she doesn't and that's not fair..again she cuts and the concern isn't there but the attention is..And she still acts like a complete ass..ugh..but I came in today and she is up to her usual manipulation tricks and I refuse to cater to her..it makes me to upset..I am feeling angry and I'm afraid of losing control and so silence is my friend..I need to keep quiet before   I say or do something stupid...I need to get myself under control..And I'm annoyed that I can't...I wrote somewhere the other day that I can't take on her behaviors..they may be similar but they are still not mine to deal with... I have enough to deal with on my own..taking on hers is not helping me at all..And I am becoming more reactive..more upset..because I do know what it is like..I know how easy it is to cave an  How hard it is to fight...but her actions upset me so much..am I expecting that no one should cut if I can't?? If I am forced to behave myself then why is no one else held to the same standard?? Why am I the one that has to get better ..why do I have to stay in control and make the correct choices..why can I say no and she can't? That upsets me..a lot more than I care to admit...I can't see past the upset kid feelings..I really can't..I don't mean to get so confused with this..it just keeps happening..I keep trying to process and deal with it and I just end up more sad and upset..I give up..