figuring things out...

I'm really not sure how I fell about what I've figured out..I've been trying since last night to wrap my head around it and I just can't seem to get past the upset feelings...I have been trying to figure out what the connection is for why I am getting so upset about my resident and other residents I've worked with in the past..And its that they are being handed the most support and care and they are throwing it away..And that makes me so upset..I struggle every single day and can't seem to manage so much stuff and I don't have 24 hour support..I have to do it all myself..with support from Courtney and Anita and Sarah..but my support circle is not much bigger..but I'm expected to deal and I  I can't then it is just my fault...that I have failed in someway..but  this resident and the kids at the residential place are being given the chance to work on and deal with there stuff in a safe place and they treat everyone there like dirt..they fight and get all kinds of stuff started..And they don't care..they have nothing left to lose and they just don't care...it's not fair..And even writing this has me feeling incredibly off ..And upset and not ok...if I stop caring there is the expectation that I will either be safe or not..I don't have 24 hour care and if any thing happens I would have to go to the hospital or die...I won't have someone coming to bail me out of trouble or get me out of the hospital..No I'm supposed to be an adult and deal with all of this and be ok and no one really wants to know if I'm struggling..outside of my small support circle..but I'm  alone with my thoughts more often than not..And if i can't handle something there is not five ppl willing to help me deal or keep me safe or whatever...No it's not fair at all..