I'm currently at work ..And I'm listening to the resident get her stomach wound cleaned and packed and I feel so judgemental that I have no sympathy for her..none at all...I wish I could feel something besides anger and just pissed off feelings about her..I'm trying hard to understand why ..I really am...like I can understand the behavior ..I understand the feelings ..but I'm struggling to understand the very obvious attention seeking behaviors...that I can't handle and it makes me so upset..the fight to find out if she has done something to herself..the fight to see it and get her help..the numerous trips to the hospital with her picking and choosing which hospital to go to..her saying that she wants the pain medicine and the stupid doctors who keep giving them to her...where the he'll are these stupid people when I want meds that my doctors refuse to prescribe me..but she can manage to get them like they are candy..And then she has everyone falling over backwards to make sure she is ok ..And she is using it to her advantage an I can't even fault her for that..because that is what she has learned..to use her behaviors to get what she wants...but then she gets infections and refuses the antibiotics and puts everyone at risk in the house and doesn't care...And tells everyone what's she thinks but if anyone says anything to he then she goes and tells the ppl in charge..And they listen to her..
And i dont feel safe or protected..Maybe that is it..at the residential place the kids were protected before anyone else..there behaviors are sending counselors to the hospital left and right but there are no consequences for them..And the same thing is happening now...given it is not physical issue s now..but the outcome is the same..they believe the girl who is making trouble focusing everyone before they believe the ones who are with her everyday..We are wrong first..We weren't doing our job.or not watching or whatever the case may be and that puts me on edge..with this particular resident my fears are based around her having to go to the hospital on my shift..And then I end up being questioned..And asked why I'm not doing my job..And that scares me..And that aggravates my own issues with feeling trapped and on edge and not believed...And I once again didn't know this was a part of it..ugh
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