This is my necklace, from Sarah. A proposal an I said yes. We picked it out and finally got to go And look for it yesterday. It was the last one .. And we were able to get it. Of course I wore it for the rest of the day and loved it..I'm proud of my necklace.
Then we went out to lunch at applebees and Sarah would have gotten dessert first for my benefit..but I was hungry and actually wanted real food.. but we did get dessert and it was a chocolate overload in deliciousness.
I told nia and a couple friends yesterday..they are happy for me..I told them I was happy and I meant it..coming out of 2014 ..Sarah has been the only consistent person in my life..she could have walked away from me and my troubles and issues so many times..And she didn't..there are so many things to take into account..but the biggest is that regardless of everything..she is still here for me...And well she has seen me naked.. haha
But really..with everything that has gone one..what we have dealt with together..the obstacles and let downs and arguments we have faced from family and friends..every single aspect has been questioned and torn apart...And we are still standing by each other.
I asked Sarah the other week about if someone else would be able to convince her that I was too much to deal with..And Sarah told me the choice is hers to make..And she is right..And I trust her..And again she is still here..she knows my past and my present..the painful secret things that still hurt me..she knows what I think..what I like..shoot she prolly knows me better than I do..
But I guess I say all of this to kind of know where my thinking is..to know that I am not walking into this major thing with my eyes closed and hoping for the best...No... I think that I know and understand exactly what I am getting into.. that my life is no longer just me..it's now me and Sarah and well it has been for a long time...I have my life and she has hers..but now they are just even more mixed up together than ever...And that is ok with me..
With so much sadness going around..I am clinging to my happiness and well that happiness is centered around Sarah..I'm not missing out on anything..which I know is what mommy will mention..I don't need all that much..I just want to be needed and wanted and not for what I may be able to do for someone.
Crap..Sarah's wheelchair would be the least of my worries..And I know that is another argument that will come up..I could explain how we actually use her chair but umm yeah...that is not for everyone to know!! But good heavens it's only a wheelchair..it's not the end of the world..I'm not going to miss out on anything because of her chair..it's easy to work with her chair and everything..
You know Sarah hasn't tried to change me and I haven't tried to change her...I'm glad that we don't and haven't done the whole -I'm with you to make you better or to fix you or something- there is nothing wrong or broken with either of us...We have things to work on..but we accept each other for who we are...family and all..Sarah has met my family and so I'm thinking that the next step is for me to actually meet hers..I've been avoiding it..majorly avoiding it..but I guess that little ship has sailed and its time to meet them..I may die from anxiety but we will see...
I guess I just want to hang on to these feelings...I am able to feel safe and calm with her..And with being around her..And I don't want that to change...
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