thinking

im just really tired and down...at the mercy of my family and just struggling to keep my head above water...most likely will not be evicted..will be taking the entire check this week and borrowing the rest from mommy to pay the rent up...plus all the money she has borrowed to get the car..and im just overwhelmed by it all...im being so cautious..with everyone..im afraid that ill say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and end up getting everything taken away...while at home mommy again did the whole this is what you should be doing..my relationship is again called into question because it is my first one and i told her pretty straightforwardly that i did not want to move back home because i have nothing there...i would be at work and come home..and that is it.i told her that at least here i had sarah and my little 5 yr old who i do really need to see...but that at least here i have a chance at getting out of the house...she said she understands..but i dont know if she will let it go..i do not plan on living at home or moving back home..i had planned on moving to sc but that is not going to happen until i can get my credit repaired...i cant logically pack up and move states with so many bills and things hanging over my head right now..and until i have the judgement paid off anyway..i need to just get things in better standing here you know...she keeps saying she is now doing what is going to make her happy...so how come i cant do the same thing??? do what makes me happy without having it questioned to death? i dont know..i really dont...the roommate situation makes me upset and i feel that i am becoming bitter about it..and cant do anything about it..she is such a hypocrite ..and im trying to let it go..and not freak out about it...when she is here i just stay in my room unless i have to come out for something...but i have nothing to say to her..i really dont..and i dont care if i am being childish or anything really...wow..didnt mean to write all this..i really was going to say i was ok...i do see anita today at least...