so very very dejected ... i
went to see the doc yesterday and of course got my lab work done ... i
go like clockwork because of being diabetic and stuff...so every three
months i have to get it done and have my a1c checked.. a great a1c is
under 7... mine is currently 12.7 which is super high and in the major
not good zone...my a1c like everything else is all over the place but it
has been steadly creeping up..but ive had it in the 7
's
before...and so the doc called and let me know what it was this morning
...and i had been hoping that it was going down..and its not ...and i
have been working so much harder to eat better, to stay on top of the
meds...and doc reminded me that it has only been about a month since we
have been working to make changes...so the next a1c will be a better
representation of the hard work ive been doing ...and since i refuse
insulin, i have to go back on the meds that may have been causing some
of the stomach issues..and the whole thing just makes me want to
cry. i just get so frustrated..i want to see results now ..from the
changes i am making now..not three months from now 
and i just want to give up and say screw it because i cant do it..i cant make the number go down..and ive failed again
i hate all of this..i hate food, i hate snacks ..i hate wanting to eat
.. or needing to eat..i hate having to check my sugar...i hate all of
it i hate not being able to eat like everyone else because my body doesnt want to work right .. why cant i just be like every body else..why cant my body work right ?? why cant my mind work right ???
why cant i manage the feelings of needing to punished for failing yet again :(
i think i need to be quiet for a while ..
No comments:
Post a Comment