I'm struggling a lot right now...just making some not so good choices and going back to hurting myself in a lot of ways..I'm scared with Sarah in the hospital.. I'm frustrated that I can't handle being in the hospital with her..I can't keep control of the anxiety..I panic..I can't sit still..I'm worried...work is draining me..I'm not complaining I need the money..but I'm so tired and feeling on edge..the expectations are even higher.. There is not enough staff.. I've done doubles for the past two weekends..I'm working full time and I'm only prn staff..I'm being asked if I would consider the house manager position..I'm upset that I can't see Anita. I am feeling so overwhelmed without her..I need someone to talk to..there is so much in my head..I'm trying..well I was trying harder but Sarah ended up in the hospital and I lost it...instantly got overwhelmed and started scratching my arm..nothing deep but it hurt..and I keep taking the percocets I have...its numbing me out a bit..but I know I'm not working today and so im staying a bit out of it...I'm tired..but can't sleep..I didn't sleep well last night...I think when I'm not sleeping well things get worse.. And working overnight has messed with my sleep schedule... And I need to get my meds filled..and going out of town maybe..but Sarah is not feeling well.. And I'm afraid to leave her..maybe I'll go and lay back down for a bit..
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