My thoughts aren't racing but I have a lot on my mind...I am tired..like my body..my bones..my brain.. I'm just so tired..I know I'm taking to many pain pills..I'm up to about 3 a day... My supply is lessening...I'm not taking them to get high or anything.. Half the time it's just to help me sleep..other times it is for back issues...but I have weird little water blisters popping up on my arm..and I don't know what's causing them...they don't hurt or itch or anything and a little scratch pops them open. It's just weird..I will have to make a list for the doc..blah I have a few things going on that I need to talk to her about...I am becoming more aware of my body and that scares me. I know it shouldn't but it does..I'm beginning to realize the pain I have inflicted on my body..the self harm..the b/p..not eating right..not moving enough...like I take care of my body like 15%...crap I can't even take a shower on a reg basis...and the more aware I become the more I'm getting antsy to make changes..give up sodas..eat better..join the y...take my meds right...the way I care about Sarah's health is what Anita wishes I would do for myself.
Work is hard right now...i m reacting alot ..I need to keep my head down and do my hours and go home...I have to get better at controlling the things I can control and stop trying to control the world..
My forgetfulness is increasing ..my anger is increasing..Anita said lack of sleep and maybe that is true..but I know myself..it increases when I'm stressed but right now I'm not 100% sure of what I'm stressed about..maybe some jealous pertaining to Sarah..and worry about her too.. Nervous about my birthday ? I m not sure..and I hate not knowing what's going on with myself.. I really do..
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