the struggling hasnt stopped

i am trying to find the words to explain how i am feeling and i am coming up with nothing...my head hurts and im tired of thinking ..

im back to feeling nauseous and sick and sad and upset

i say anita yesterday and it took everything i had not to cry while i was there .... i agreed to being referred but there is a wait list... i have the option of seeing her once a month but if every visit leaves me feeling so broken then im not sure it is worth it..im really not ... i dont know how to tell her how i am feeling..and i get so sad that i dont want to talk to her about anything..and once a month will do nothing in the way of helping manage anything..there will be to much time inbetween..or i will forget and then i just keep struggling ... like i told her..i have to manage myself ..but managing myself means all sorts of things...i slept all day today...woke up around 3:30...feeling sick..my head hurts and im having trouble thinking .. i just want to hide out ..  im so tired...im wanting to die .. i feel so very alone ... i know logically that i am not alone but i am feeling alone ...