I am safely back at home now after spending a few days out of town at my sisters...it was overall a good trip...it helped tremendously that mommy has a 'guy friend' to spend time with and wasnt there a lot of the time...when she was there she did her usual stuff like invading my personal space, standing over me, watching me, telling me how i looked or what i needed to do to look better..exercise. make sure im going to work..the usual stuff...i tried not to let it get to me...i noticed also how much she confuses me...like she takes control..yes..but then she makes it seem like im the one that gave instructions or said i was going to do something..and she asks or states it in a way that i have to agree to it..and then im confused because im not sure if i came up with the idea or if she did..i dont know how things get so twisted around so quickly or easily..but it happens a lot...for dinner on christmas i ended up feeling so confused and upset but at the same time doubting myself big time ... it keeps me on edge and on the defense...there are just some things i dont like you know...and im noticing it more...but all that aside im glad i went for christmas and sarah came too. i got some pretty cool stuff for christmas..like the bobble heads im collecting and more coloring stuff, shoes and clothes and socks..a new ds system and games, a panini maker, a grill, and a waffle maker and other stuff..mommy went all out this year...and my secret santa and sarah and nia and noa...got the cutest picture from noa that she drew ..im gonna hang it up :)
the drive up there wasnt awful..but the drive back was..and i got so irritated and frustrated and cranky..almost 9 hours on the road stuck in a lot of traffic...ugh..i truly hated drving yesterday and my body is letting me know that it is not pleased either...im so sore and achy and tired ... im keeping it simple today...not doing anything at all ...but i do want to get some cleaning done this week..and kinda air out the apartment after being gone a few days ..and get rid of the ever present cat litter smell..essh
i have been thinking a lot about the new year and what i want from it..what i want out of it...we have been talking about trips and saving and me looking for a new job...all good things of course...but at the same time i know i need to get a handle on my health...i really need to talk to my doctor and figure some things out... i really really think that the meds im taking for the diabetes is causing a big portion of my stomach issues...like i accidently left them home while out of town and my stomach was upset once out of five days...im going to stop takin them...but in doing that i really have to work on my diet and portion sizes ..and of course exercise...i can tell im getting puffy.and i dont like that..my stomach stays bloated and gassy and stuff and it is a pain...im going to look into some of the more herbal/natural stuff to help with digestion and things since i dont have a gall bladder...im kinda tired of all the chemicals and stuff..and the meds dont help with not gaining weight..but im not making excuses..i know i make some pretty poor choices some days... but just a lot on my mind recently..and i need to get a better handle on my stomach anyway to be able to handle working and not running back and forth to the bathroom all day long !
i have to go home in a couple weeks to get my car stuff done...staying for three days..in a hotel..sarah is coming to and it is more comfortable for us to be in a hotel...so going to be doing that...and then that is all the traveling for a while...
i need to work on saving up for the ny trip..and the trip for noas birthday..and a few other things..maybe sometime in the not so far future ill be able to save up for another car...who knows..
but ive been thinking you know..and i think i want to make it a goal to get off the medication in the next year...well it may take longer than a year..but i do think i want to work towards that..and see...hmm there are a lot more thoughts with that but no time to write about it right now...more thinking ....
still am hurting a lot about the no therapy thing..trying to deal and be ok and all of that..but i miss having someone to talk to about things..i really do..
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