I'm afraid that my impulsiveness is heading downwards... I got upset twice today and both times my thoughts turned to cutting..serious cutting...along with crying ..feeling guilty and stupid..and canceling my trip to see my sister..which I have uncancelled now..but earlier I wasn't thinking about anything except how things still just aren't working out and that mommy got to me once again..and the pressure was to much...I need razors...my thinking is becoming circular and I need to be able to stop it..I think I stopped functioning for maybe an hour or so this afternoon because of the conversation with mommy... The reaction was immediate and the response and thoughts got bad fast...thankfully I was at Sarah's house and alone...I'm pretty sure she kept an eye on me until I started coming around...I wanted to go for her shavers...I really did...but the thoughts are becoming overwhelming.. The pressure to do more..to do better is being pushed at me and I can't deal...yes I need my blades back..?just for a little while...
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