I'm struggling to stay present ..since leaving Anita..My thoughts are scattered and I can get them together..I'm feeling to many things and tryin to shut down..Im tired but feeling so sick..I just want to lay down and not think for a little while..bit my head won't turn off...I'm remembering old things..old hurts and feelings and current feelings and its all mixed up...
Courtney did print out what I sent her and both of them read it...And Anita started to address it today..And I ended up talking about past stuff and how things were and things..but also she added in this stuff about girls growing up and body stuff an things...it upsets me that I have to be taught this..it really does..I know it is geared towards helping the younger stuck parts of me..but I'm struggling to get past the fact that I am 31 and am having to go back and learn all the stuff I missed and don't know..not really anyway.. i feel.stupid..because I should know no it's all mixed up and wrong and well gets in the way of things..it's like having to start at the beginning..And I feel like I'm to old to be starting with all of this...knowing that all of it is going to be leading up to the big issues around sex and stuff...she said she would take it slow not rush..but I'm still so afraid...afraid to talk about any of it or admit anything..admit not knowing...I feel off..sad..dejected.. and once again like a failure...
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