I'm feeling really down, tired, out of it and sick..yesterday just became incredibly triggering because I couldn't get my thinking to calm down or slow down..I just kept going over and over what we talked about in therapy..and it got worse and worse..until I started to panic and cry and generally have a melt down that hasn't happened for a few months..not like yesterday.. I rote a lot yesterday and only took the meds has a last resort. I talked to Amanda and she helped me get myself grounded..I described all of my stuffed animals to her in detail until I was able to get a handle on the panic and fear...I stumbled upon one major issue with things yesterday though..which is what set off the panic and fear in the first place..something I hadn't thought of in a long time..but the fear of being in trouble of mommy finding out that I'm talking that she will some how get me and hurt me..became so overwhelming that I completely lost it...I've broken the old rules.which brings up thoughts of punishment for talking.. For saying to much..for not being quiet..
Today I'm just tired..feeling exposed and very vulnerable.. I want to hide..try to erase yesterday from existence . my mind is tired.my body is tired..I'm not sure I'm strong enough to win this battle
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