tonight i feel like the weight of the world is sitting on my shoulders and it is weighing me down so very much...i feel so tired...so drained .. i dont want to fight anymore but i am not sure of what i am fighting currently..i was ok ..i thought i was ok and then this all hits me and maybe it has been building..maybe i am thinking and worrying and there had to be a release valve..but the pressure is still in my head..the pressure is still building ..and i just keep adding things on..maybe ill make a list of what i am thinking about ?
jaylen coming and me screwing him up somehow
paying for things
planning the summer
seeing britney
worrying about what courtney said to her
will she think i am bad ?
im not trying hard enough with my health
i need to get my hair done
will i like the melting pot ?
why doesnt sarahs family like me ?
mommy hassling me and arguing with me
me placing all sorts of pressure on myself
feeling like im failing at everything
feeling like im being left behind
worrying about bills..
thinking about my sister ..
worrying about the anxiety..
those are some of the main points that have been running through my head in the past couple days ...a lot of worrys ..a lot of thoughts and wondering and thinking and wanting and just not getting anywhere with anything ... it could also be that i have been in the house for the past couple days and so maybe fresh air might help..i dont know .. im just feeling badly and thinking badly and i want an escape..i want the pressure to release ..and i dont know how to get that ...i ended up taking 2 klonipin and the trazodone..maybe sleep will be an escape...i hope sleep comes quickly because i am tired of thinking..
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