New schedule to get used to

Even though my stuff moved home weeks ago I've still been here on Richmond..but today after therapy I'll be going home for the week..I'll come back sometime on Friday and breakthrough Tuesday of next week..but generally that is my new schedule..I have been really anxious and out of sorts...worrying and stressing about going home...it's been on  of those things that's kept getting pushed off until it's become this huge thing in my mind...I have been safe...Just really struggling...I know what to expect going home and I'm trying to prepare myself for the talks and being stared at and told why I need to be better ...do better..I've been racking my brain on how to be better in a couple days..become someone who mommy approves of..I've failed at that again...I've begun obsessing over food again..which has me.nervous...it's been such a long  time since those thoughts have been in my head but mommy is pushing losing weight...And again I return to those old thoughts....I remember how it's all done..And with mommy watching me my paranoia picks up and kicking isn't an option..so it will once again change to food issues...not immediately but I know how I work...something has to be done and if it's not cutting then it's food...but everyone will be so happy when I lose weight..Maybe I'll become a vegetarian again..I don't know...Yes I need control of something...I hate this...but I'm going home now either way...so I better get,used to it nd stop being a crybaby about it...