sleep patterns...

Everything is born of something
Every action has a reaction
Every choice has a consequence

I was asked tonight if I would put my bed in the middle of the room or up against the wall when I move. A simple question..a yes or no question..a or answer question...it was not supposed to be a life altering question by any means..yet here I am thinking about it still and wondering why it's not just a simple question for me..I'm frustrated that it's not a simple question.I'm frustrated that I feel the need to explain my answer and say,why...but I'm not even 100% sure why...

I'm trying hard to remember how my bed was set up as a kid...was it against the wall or in the middle of the room..but I don't remember..Maybe it was a mix of both..I moved rooms a lot..

In college of course my bed was against the wall..My first apartment it was in the middle of the floor..when I moved home..it was back against the wall..it changes
.but why does it change? I should be old enough now that I should know how I am comfortable sleeping...but I'm not..I don't know..

When I sleep with Sarah I sleep against the wall..I feel safe an  protected that way...

At home my bed is against the wall but I sleep on the outside part of the bed that's not against the wall...I sleep facing the door..No one can surprise me or get into bed with me without my permission..I don't feel safe at home...I don't see why anyone would be sneaking in my bed but I am watchful..I have to protect myself..I keep stuffed animals and other things on the other side of the bed so there is no room for anyone else..

If I'm at a hotel I prefer the side of the bed that is farthest from the door..I think. But again depending on how I'm feeling I could end up in some position that,allows me to stare at  the door..to make sure no one co.we in..No one can get me..

  Think when I was  younger I may have tended to try to  sleep close to the wall...

Ugh I just don't know

Even with someone in the bed with me I try to keep space between us...Morgan  it works but being crowded and hot doesn't work for me
.sleeping with Sarah being the exception but Sarah also knows I'll get up if I  getting to hot..And sleep on the floor..

There is a pattern somewhere in all of this..something I learned a long time ago..a reason why I have to sit and think about if it is ok to not have the bed against the wall...she asked me the question and my immediate thought was it has to be against the wall..because I don't feel safe with it not being like that..second thought was its ok..it can be in the middle of the room..but this second answer bothers me for some reason..I don't know