i feel as if something is wrong

Im feeling down..pressured i guess..i didnt go home this week because of the weather ... mommy has been calling and just questioning the life out of me..and i end up more stressed out and upset and defensive...she keeps making it seem as if i am doing something wrong by staying with sarah..like in some way she is making me sick...somehow i am getting in the way...using up all of sarahs stuff...that im not wanted and need to just stay out of the way...things that fill my head with doubt and tears and sadness and anger all at the same time ..and i dont understand why she tries so very hard to make me doubt myself...to question what i am doing..its not fair ... my little bits of happiness become overshadowed and i wonder if i am in the way..if i am doing something wrong and i hate it...being at home is causing a lot of stress..the pressure to just be better is there..everything i do is watched and i feel like i cant do anything right...i was actually told not to apply for a job at family dollar because its somehow beneath me to work there...and i dont need to be in the community like that...no one knows im home..i cant work in the community around were we live because i guess some one will recognize me or something..knowing i have issues with my background right now and she is doing everything is her power to keep me hidden away like im not wanted or worth the trouble..and it makes it hard to have confidence in anything at all when im constantly put up against some imaginary list of qualities i dont have...it makes me feel like a failure ...im questioned so much i guess i am a failure ... everything from what i eat to finding a job..how much im making ..paying back nia and rob and wayne and her...i dont have time to breathe because im always worrying...worrying how im going to manage and survive and do what i need to do and keep everyone else happy..because im sure at some point this will all kill me anyway .. and its really is like living on borrowed time and that at some point my body will just call it quits and no one will even care...ill be permanently out of the way and not a hassle for anyone anymore..the stress doesnt go away...even though im not even at home this week has been really stressful...she calls and makes me feel like a liar when i say the weather is bad..she swears that being here is keeping me sick and i got sick at home..she hints that im in the way here at sarahs and that im going to be seen as taking advantage of her...she asks if i asked if i could stay ..if it was ok...am i staying out of the way of her aides...everything...anything that can be questioned is.. and im left feeling as if im not wanted anywhere..and its pushing my thoughts into unsafe areas..