not doing great

Struggling.....stomach issues. And not eating which can't really happen because am diabetic..so ended up with a crash this evening from not eating anything for lunch..And then got sick after dinner...massive headache...actually talked with t about sitting with emotional pain and not acting on it..I remembered that last night and have been sitting with the awful feelings...still dealing with the feelings...not acting on them but the thoughts don't stop..I'm losing control...I came home my room has been set up to mommy's specifications...My food has been bought for what I can have and not have I guess...My week has been planned out...I wonder if im allowed to think on my own anymore..I'm trying to remember who I am but it's slipping away...the need to be good and obedient..the fight to become good enough...the need to be good enough no matter the cost to us..I am not important..I keep forgetting that..but I come home and am reminded of my place very quickly...  I have no place..I haven't earned a place..  I don't measure up...all these years and I still don't measure up..