worthless life

Why me..a question that I keep asking today..for some reason I can't do anything right today..every phone call leaves me feeling worse than the one before it...And somehow I am the one feeling suicidal..And worthless and paranoid..why is it such a concern where I'm at...why is she trying so hard to make me give up everything relating  to Sarah..because now..in a  sick some how because of Sarah...I got sick at home..I've been sick both places...but staying home and not working will do what for me? How long will that last exactly before  I'm hounded to find another job..to stay home where I have nothing and where I'm not happy...all I get are questions..accusations..And I end up feeling defensive and upset and on edge...I can't relax because I can't stop worrying..And all day the thoughts get worse...And I stupidly keep answering the phones...I've gone from being ok to being unsafe in matter of hours..  wan t to scream and cry and just give up because no matter what I can't seem to make things work..I'm still in trouble..I'm still useless...And currently I just wish I was dead...