Lockdown

Need to lock it all down.. my head..my thoughts...the urges.. i can feel them wanting to take over and that can't happen...not now...so it needs to all locked down..nothing in..nothing out ..I need it to be quiet.. I need to be able to be calm and OK and practical and reliable...I can't deal with my stuff and all that Sarah needs from me at the same time... so back burner for now...its OK. I'll be OK. Silence is my friend..right now I need to keep both Sarah and eddy safe...and fight the urges to cut... some how...Sarah tells me I'm reaching out and really fidgetty in my sleep...I don't know what's going on with my head right now...I need to ignore myself...focus on the outside....