as the meds take affect im really hoping this makes sense...my body hurts right now ...but oh well on that one..
i got home from work at about 8 am..and slept off and on until about 3....i was ok for a couple hours but then i started to get anxious about sarah and not being in contact iwth her and knowing that she was away..almost got to a full blown anxiety attack...i ended up talking to someone on facebook..who was able to understand the confusingness of eccho and parrot...food got things calmed down enough and then i knew i just needed to keep busy..really busy...so cleaned up and did laundry ..cleaned the litter box..everything..and now im ready to crash..waiting for the meds to kick in..i just feel so so vulnerable i guess..afraid of being abandoned...remembering past things..broken promises...all the threats of being left..because i wasnt able to do things in time...its all mashing up in my head and i end up freaking ..and i hate it because then i lose control...i cant think clearly..i want comfort and physical contact..just to calm the nerves...i just need the reassurance that she is there...the kids are still so very close to the surface.there is a major need to just know she is there..ive failed twice this week at keeping it together..and instead i turned into a crying spazz who cant handle it...i dont know
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