well it has been interesting the past week or so .. i have been making changes..like really actually trying with eating and things and trying new vegtables and watching what im eating and noting when im over eating and stuff and beginning to cut back... like in the past week ive tried collards, zuchiinni and squash...three things i have NEVER eaten and probably swore i would never eat in my life..and here i am trying them... and i maybe even liked the zuchinni and squash..im eating yogurt and granola again.. im still snacking a lot but im aware of it..im back on ALL of my meds as of well yesterday ... and i go in tomorrow for my a1c check... im nervous about it but well it is what it is..im just hoping it has gone down..please let it have gone down...
it has been really stressful though the past few weeks and no therapy and lost a support person and class stuff and starting interning and just a lot going on...going home next weekend and picking up jaylen and seeing a bunch of people at the retirement party and so i am still heavy in judgement mode ... like i have a week to magically become someone else...someone better ...someone different .. someone just not me ... and it makes me so very sad that all i am is me .. it makes me sad that i feel so very unimportant .. that even now i wish so much to be beautiful and better and just more ...and still i am just me ... and there is absolutely nothing special about me ... my head is feeling heavy with negative thoughts today... but i gotta get ready for class ...
my computer has been acting up and that is really annoying me so very much ...
2 comments:
Oh Nat. You are special and deep down you know. Please stop channeling the thoughts that you think your mom thinks. I know her behavior and words are strong strong negative triggers but you CAN overcome and know TRUTH which is you matter as much as anyone else in this world. Please resist the devil which is the source of the lies. He roams to and fro seeking whom he may devour. Resist the lies and hold on to the truth. I know you have had bad experience with human imperfect christians. But Jesus is love and you are so very loved and very much important.
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