rough

things are just rough
im tired
im overwhelmed
im frustrated
im sad
im feeling like my space is being invaded in a big big big big way and there is nothing i can do about it ... i feel helpless and at a loss on how to help sarah .. she has been in the hospital this week and they sent her home without finding her a bed ..even though something is wrong ... a mental health crisis .. the hospital was all sorts of shady with getting her discharged..her psychiatrist is out of town and so things are a bit heated right now and it just feels like blame is being thrown around and tempers are up.. and it all just leaves me feeling so helpless because  i am at a loss for how to help at this point .. because it has been a steady downhill type thing and and it is so hard watching and being unable to do anything to make it better... and so now one of her mental health ppl seems to think she is in charge and that kinda pisses me off .. but ok ill step back and let that go i guess .. i mean im not stupid ... i do know how to handle crisis situations... i dont like being treated like im a child ..  no one seems to be taking into account that i live here too... and i guess in the grand scheme of things ... it is just that i am here to help sarah and i guess it would be good if i just remember that too..and do what im asked to do ..or be where im supposed to be or do what everyone expects me to do right ?  drop everything and stay here?  because again..its not about me .. so how may i help you

as i have said before ... i don't have time for any type of any crisis..so im trying to maintain some control over myself..right now im just tired you know...my body is tired..but i have to keep moving ..i have to keep doing stuff because that is what is expected right ? get up and get out..smile..but i dont feel much like talking ... i really dont ... there is to much going on in my head..my thoughts are pretty sad and negative right now...tired and negative and so i am hiding in the silence..so that no one has to be bothered with what i am thinking about..

today will be another busy day ... ill dig up some energy from somewhere...

lets see how i measure up on the failure meter today .