sigh

i cant seem to escape the triggers this week..i cant seem to escape my head..my impulsive habits are increasing and im not sure i even have the energy to care..as long as i am not dead right ??  that is the only thing that is truly cared about..i get up and go to work.do what i need..come home ..do what i need..and go to bed..every day..if i didnt show up would the world end ?? my head hurts..my chest hurts..my arms carry my screams of pain..but no one sees..its starting to get cooler again..i want to cool weather..it was mistake to find and have my razors..im sick daily now..with no end in sight..i guess i got what i wanted...i have been reminded that i am hated and worthless..and nothing will ever be different.  ill go to bed soon i guess.  i have a headache