Thursday, January 21, 2016

fear of getting better...

my words and thoughts are confusing tonight...im trying to write but my stupid eye is twitching...

i saw anita today...and told her a million times that i wasnt going to talk her..but of course I did...I got her caught up on things an  How I've been doing ..and that I'm managing...it took a little while for the effects of that statement to kinda hit  me...And now I'm afraid of sabotaging myself...afraid that I'll get better and lose the support...I should want to  be better..but the fear  has set in...And I'm afraid.. I can't keep cutting...I'm actively working on not cutting right now and what thought pops up?? Purging...Yeah... one or the other but never both...what is wrong with me?  I'm struggling tonight..looking for an escape...

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