overwhelmed to the point of numbness

I'm so very tired..bad night of sleep..took some morphine...bad idea...I said not to take it again bit last night I was wanton  t  cut so bad that I chose practically giving myself a heart attack ..for whatever reason that shit hurts like a bitxh and I can feel it moving through my system...And so for a couple hours it was suffer central...I didn't ask for help..I didn't deserve it..I managed..I slept like shit though and I still want  to cut..I will...it's just a matter of when at this point...I'll have some alone time this morning...so whatever...I'm stressing ...overwhelmed to the max and frustrated...I found out yesterday that my car is being classed as a total loss...what in the hell am I going to do..because I have  insurance and everything I'll get some settlement for my car but will it be enough to get something else...?  If I can't keep the rental how will I manage to get to work? How will I survive at all at this point??
I have another doctors note to not work..And what am I doing?? Going to work...I have to  work.i told someone last night that me a my concussion are going to work..And have been ..i didn't even truly take off a single day..i got them to switch my day to later in the week..why bother eating when I take Tylenol and aleeve all freaking day long just to manage and that's at the bare minimum...the headaches kill me..but I have no  choice. I have to keep an income coming in..No matter how small...these days I feel like crap..medically I feel like crap...emotionally I am incredibly suicidal...I don't have the energy to go through this again...I really really don't..And giving up just begins to look better and better and better..because I see no,,way out..I'm working and its not enough...in mommy's eyes I'm not doing enough and I  not doing it right..let's ignore that most days I don't feel good anymore..but again I  am a failure..I ruined my car..I should have moved more..or left work earlier or something..this is my fault..And I can't even fix it.. and there is no more borrowing money for a car..there is nothing...nothing at all..I'm just done..